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I smoked a CAO Brazilia while composing this.

You aint going to believe this, Sergeant Rollercoaster says as I enter the TOC.

Sergeant Rollercoaster has a flair for the dramatic. As I described him in Your Filthy Little Mouth, he is a competent NCO and a good leader, but as a New Yorker, everything to him is a crisis.

Can I put my stuff down first? I say.

I stand in the door of the TOC. Sergeant Rollercoaster is sitting by the computerized battle tracker.

m done. Im done. I mean it. Ive had it. Im done.s wrong? I say as I stow my rifle and my gear in my little TOC cubby.

s the whole freekin thing. When we get back, Im going to Atlantic City. Im done with this unit. Im done. Im done. I say, using his first name. What happened and maybe I can fix it.Oh you cant fix it. This is just proof that any idiot can get a college degree no offence.None taken. What happened?Private Burglar fell asleep on patrol and they gave him extra duty in the TOC.

I look around the TOC. Well, where is he?I couldnt fuckin stand him anymore so I sent him to wash the hummers.Dude, we dont have a hose.Pfft, yeah!

I shut my eyes and ball my fists for a moment, trying to find my happy place. Sometimes it takes a while to get to the real problem with Sergeant Rollercoaster.

I say. What is the problem?The problem is these twelve hour shifts. But a twelve hour shift isnt a twelve hour shift. A twelve hour shift is really a fourteen hour shift. But its not really a fourteen hour shift. Because you also have to eat. And as per the commander, you have to go to the gym and do PT too. So when do you sleep?

He has a point. The line units run patrols for over twelve hours a day and the soldiers always come back tired. I sit in the TOC doing nothing for twelve hours and that to is mysteriously fatiguing. On occasion, I have overslept and missed my window to go running.

I respond. I guess you have to suck it up. What happened with Private Burglar?He fell asleep in the turret while on patrol and so they punish him by giving him extra duty and now he gets to sleep less? Wheres the fuckin sense in that? Oh, ok. And then they say: go hang out in the TOC and work for Sergeant Rollercoaster. Oh that makes sense. So now Im his fuckin babysitter?s by the hummers? I ask.

Sergeant Rollercoaster waves his hand in the air. I leave the TOC and trudge over to the Rockpile. I find Private Burglar shirtless and smoking a cigarette while he scrubs a fithy hummer. A massive pile of water bottles rests nearby. I catch him just as he empties another water bottle on the hood of a hummer and starts scrubbing.

Hey, dude, I greet him.

Hey, sarn he says while he scrubs.

You kind of fucked up, eh?Well you see, sarnt we were supposed to SP at 0100 so I got up and drank like six Red Bulls, but then like, yo, my squad leader said, yo, we werent supposed to SP until 1300 because there was a confusion so I went to midnight chow and, yo, I still wasnt sleepy, so then I went and called my girl and I still wasnt sleepy, so then I went to the gym and I still wasnt tired so, yo, I went back to my room and tried to relax and then I played Call of Duty for like six hours and then I geared up to go and all and you know we were at the halt and I just fell asleep sarnt and it was kind of fucked up cause now I got in trouble because I got the wrong information.

Private Burglar tends to soliloquy. This is why Sergeant Rollercoaster wanted him out of the TOC.

I say. I meant you cleaning the vehicles is kind of fucked up. Cause theyre just going to get dirty again. Who told you to do this?Sergeant Rollercoaster did cause you see, my girl

I hold up my hand. Dude, dude. I got the information I need. I look at my watch. Did you eat yet?No, sarnt cause you see-When was the last time you ate?Midnight chow yesterday, sarnt cause-m shocked. I say. You havent eaten since yesterday?No, sarnt. I didnt think I was allowed to.Dude, youre always allowed to eat. You didnt say anything?No, sarnPut your blouse on and go eat, then come back to the TOC.

I storm back to my company area, cursing as I walk. Damn this place. Damn the stupidity of this place. Damn the leaders who punish without considering the lessons of the punishment. Damn his platoon sergeant for not checking on him. I make my way toward his platoon sergeants trailer but I stop.

No. I cant do this, not if I want to keep the rank Im wearing. His platoon sergeant is Sergeant First Class Rocksalt and he outranks me no matter how mad I am. Ill find somebody else to yell at him.

I walk to my orderly room and find the Operations Sergeant, the man who became my boss when my platoon disbanded.

Can I talk to you? I ask.

The Operations Sergeant looks at me passively. Tell me here.You heard about Private Burglar?Yeah, hes lucky he isnt getting an Article 15. Hell, he could still get an Article 15. Depends on what the commander wants to do.I dont care about that, I say. You know he hasnt eaten or slept since yesterday night.

The Operations Sergeant weighs this information: No, why didnt he eat? I say. Why wasnt his platoon sergeant checking on him? And then hes going to go out on patrol again tonight and fall asleep again? You didnt know any of this?I think you need to stay in your lane there staff sergeant, he says using the slang for minding my own business and accentuating his sentence by reminding me that he outranks me.

Sergeant, this is fucked up. And people are more concerned with fuckin PT belts and guys washing their hands-Get at the fucking position of parade rest! He screams.

I lock my body up, snap my head forward and place my hands behind my back. I hear somebody in the room shout: I detect someone else peak their head out of an office to watch. This isnt good. What the hell did I just do?

I think you need to go back to the TOC where you belong and leave infantry shit to the infantrymen. Why dont you think about this: if you were any good, youd still be a platoon sergeant. Maybe there is a reason youre in the TOC. Maybe youre the one whos fucked up? Did you ever think of that? Did you ever wonder why we just didnt make you a squad leader in the line when we split up the platoons? Think of that. Why are there buck sergeant squad leaders when you could have been put in that slot? Maybe I dont think you can handle it. And the shit you just pulled right now proves it. Now get back in the fuckin TOC.

I come to the position of attention and leave the orderly room even angrier than when I entered. As I open the door, I hear someone in the orderly room say: Good dog.

I go back to my TOC, my little 20x20 foot island of responsibility. My lane. My tiny little lane in this great big war.

re relieved, I say to Sergeant Rollercoaster as I take my seat behind the battle trackers.

I dont want this. I dont want to regress to a man who stays in his lane, toes the line, cashes the check and punches the clock as he waits for the hands of time to push him back to Kuwait. I dont want to be numb. This is my Army, the Army that I love. I dont want to stand by and watch as a private learns to hate the only job Ive ever loved.

Maybe the Operations Sergeant was right. Just because you love something doesnt mean youre good at it? Maybe Im not a competent infantryman? Maybe its all me? Maybe Im fucked up. Maybe everybodys fucked up?

But maybe some are more fucked up than others.

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