When Ex-Husbands Get Alimony
A woman who is the primary breadwinner in her marriage could wind up paying support after a divorce.  And sometimes she should, lawyers contend.
Exerpted from Smart Money
Amy Williams, 38, never imagined shed end up a single mother of two paying alimony to an ex-husband.  Yet thats where the media  executive found herself when her 10 year marriage dissolved in 2004.  During the early years of the relationship, Williams (whose name was changed do to privacy concerns) supported her husband while he completed a doctorate in history.  The assumption, she says, was that he would find a job in academia.  That day never arrived.  He was unable to find work but also didnt want to be the primary caregiver for their kids.  So Williams paid for childcare.
When the two decided to part ways, it became clear that Williams wouldnt be able to simply walk away.  Why?  According to family law, Williams was the primary breadwinner, and her husband was viewed as a dependent spouse who needed help getting back on his feet.  With the help of a mediator, the couple reached a financial agreement.  In addition to splitting their assets, Williams agreed to give her former spouse $15,000 for a car and pay $14,000 in financial support spread out over 14 months.  My feeling was that I worked hard while he was trying to figure out a career, Williams says.  I was penalized for that during the marriage and then after it ended.
One third of Wives are Chief Breadwinners
You dont have to be as successful as Britney Spears or Reese Witherspoon to fear getting sued for alimony.  Like Williams, more women today are obligated to pay their ex-husbands some form of financial support, says celebrity divorce attorney Raoul Felder.  Though there are no official statistics on this trend, wives are the primary breadwinners in one third of all marriages, according to the Federal Labor Statistics, leaving them at risk of paying maintenance should the marriages fail.  Call it the dark side of the liberation coin, Felder says.
Historically, it was men who were obligated to pay alimony based on the assumption that women couldnt support themselves, says Alan Feigenbaum, a co-author of The Complete Guide to Protecting Your Financial Security When Getting a Divorce. This was indeed the case in the 1950s and 1960s, when most wives were homemakers and cared for their children.  In the 1970s, however, society and divorce laws shifted.  Women entered the work force in large numbers, and family laws regarding marital support were made gender neutral.  What hasnt significantly changed is that women are still the primary caregivers of children.  So not only are these wives supporting their husbands, theyre also caring for the kids.
Today, men and women are equally eligible for some form of alimony if one dependent on the other for financial support, regardless of who takes care of the kids.  But heres good news for women who hold the purse strings:  The days when judges would easily grant long-term support are over, Feigenbaum says, especially for marriages that last fewer than 10 years.
Though state laws differ, typically dependent spouses are granted temporary maintenance based on the length of their marriages, or whats called rehabilitative support  until they can patch up their finances.  During this time, an underemployed ex-spouse may go back to school for a degree or get career training to update skills.
In Williams case, she desperately wanted her husband to find a job, but the law favors the status quo.  In other words, because Williams had allowed her husband to stay home while they were together, she was obligated to continue to support him until he could pay his own bills.  This situation is not much different than when a woman says she gave up her career for the kids, but has a full-time nanny, says Daniel Clement, a New York divorce attorney.
Despite gender-neutral laws, women do have one thing in their favor.  Even when the law says dependent husbands are entitled to financial support, some attorneys say they have seen a stigma facing those who ask for support.  When judges see a man asking for alimony they think, s wrong with you? says Sandra Morgan Little, the past chairwoman of the American Bar Associations family law section.  Some men say they feel the stigma, too.  When John Bailey, a 31 year old graduate student (who also asked that his real name not be used), got divorced, he chose to walk away with nothing.  He didnt even take the 50% of the marital assets he was entitled to.  He felt the assets were his wifes property because she had earned them while he studied.  I had no income, he says.  It was bad, but I didnt want to be that guy who was getting alimony from his ex-wife.
Not all women will get off so easily. Nor should they, lawyers argue.  If women want equality in the work force, they will have to take on responsibilities attached to a higher salary, Little says.  In cases of divorce, that responsibilty is paying alimony.
How to Protect Yourself
Though state laws vary, most couples can expect to split marital assets during the marriage. Heres some advice for keeping the rest of your money safe.

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